Sunday, December 21, 2008

Gwen Stefani Leaves Mandarin 100 Pounds Fatter

While some celebrities are strapping for cash, pig Gwen Stefani was chomping down as much chinese food as she could at a Mandarin restaurant. She left so full and bloated with food, that she had to be carried out of the restaurant and escorted to her car. While it is nice to see a celebrity actually eating for once, maybe Gwen should take it easy on the chicken balls and fried rice.

Halle Berry's Pimp Throws Her Out

Looks like 2008's Sexiest Woman of the Year is not as desirable as she once used to be. With the growing trend of celebrity prostitution with the decline in the economy, Halle Berry, like many other A-Listers, turned to the streets to make some extra cash. Her attempt at whoring herself however, landed her on the corner. Witnesses watched as her pimp,Charles Whipper, literally threw her out of his limo onto 5th Avenue, and made this comment;

She just wasn't escort material. She makes fiddy, I get fourty-five. Thats how this business works. She had way to much pride and self respect to ever do good in this business. So I got rid of her. No big deal.

Hopefully Halle can find a less humiliating way to make enough money to buy some real clothes. These times may be tough, but there is no excuse for dressing like a homeless prostitute...oh wait. unless of course, you are one. Pathetic.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Kim Picks Booger and Eats It

It's no secret that these days are hard on Americans financially. With Kim resorting to prostitution we understand her desperation for money, but come on! Today she was seen out of LAX picking - and eating - her own dried nasal mucus! Perhaps Paris Hilton can get her a discount on food at her gas station!? Her rep had no comment.

Lady Ga-Ga Admits True Sex

As speculated later this week by Starrtrash, Lady Ga-Ga has confirmed that she indeed is a hermaphrodite. Pictures of her vagina, which shows a bulge resembling a tiny penis were released last week that started the rumours about her gender identity. Starrtrash confirmed the story with her blog entry earlier this morning.

Its not something that I'm ashamed of, just isn't something that i go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but i consider myself a female. Its just a little bit of a penis and really doesnt interfere much with my life. the reason I haven't talked about it is that its not a big deal to me. like come on. its not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I'm sexy, I'm hot. i have both a poon and a peener. big fucking deal.
- L8d Gaga <3>

Good on you Gaga! We won't judge you at all. I do however, feel a little weird about thinking you were hot in your Just Dance video....does this make me gay? NSFW pics after the jump.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Paris Hilton Takes New Job

These are hard economic times for everyone, and even heiress Paris Hilton is feeling the pinch. In order to maintain her lavish lifestyle, Paris has resorted to a job pumping gas for minimum wage.

I'm doing what I have to do to survive and to support my lifestyle. Its alot more respectible than the way many other celebrities are selling their bodies and dealing crack to make cash. At least I'm being honest.

More surprisingly, Paris Hilton is still considering herself a celebrity. Even her newest friend Vannessa is just a no body who works as a cashier. Looks like someone needs a reality check.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Kim's Addicted to Prostitution

Kim Kardashian has once again been seen getting paid by strange men after entering their vehicle (in this case, a tinted WheelsTrans for the handicap). She admits to having problems with it in the past, but she says she still can't say no to those who are unique. In an interview with Starr, Kim commented on the photograph,
" I regonize that it is illegal and that its no way to make money, but please respect my personal decisions"

We can only hope that she will go back to her old ways of earning money, such just hope she will discontinue the prostitution.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Confused Britney Stumbles into Award Show Dressed like a Clown

Britney Spears surprised everyone at the 52nd Dashboard Awards last night in San Diego. She stumbled onto the stage muttering "I'm a rock star" and proclaiming that the award show is for "womanizer womanizers." She was escorted off the stage where she was treated for dementia and insanity. Her outfit was apparently stolen off a clown mannequin at the front entrance. No charges are being laid, however the president of the academy made the following statement:
"Our hearts and thoughts go out to Britney and her family during this difficult time."
Lets hope someone really gets through to her this time and makes sure she gets the help she needs.

Angelina Jolie Steals Asian Child

Once again, Angelina is seen trying to kidnap an asian child off the street. Just last week she was seen taking hostage of an african american girl, and this is becoming a strange pattern of behavior for the childless woman.
"She is really stressed out about not having any of her own children, so she seems to feel as if she deserves other peoples kids. Its really sad to see" a source close to her stated. "It seems as if she has paranoid anxiety post-mother disorder" says Dr.Finagan (who does not treat Angelina).
Hopefully she goes to rehab and gets help soon, before any other kids are torn from their parents arms.